I love my job.
I work for the US Department of Agriculture and I love my job not just because they pay me and I get cool benefits like paid vacation and health insurance (which I really like) but the main thing I like about my job is that I get to visit with ranchers every day.
Ranchers come in all styles and shapes.
There are lady ranchers who are tougher and smarter than any one I’ve ever met,
little old cowboy ranchers who might be 80 years old but they’re still out there when the work needs to be done,
gussy-up’d ranchers with silverbelly hats, polished boots and shiny belt buckles
and ranchers straight off the ranch with mud and manure encrusted coveralls and 4 buckle overshoes.
Ranchers are honest, hardworking people who will give you the shirt off their back – they are good people!
Last week a rancher came in. He really didn’t have any ‘business’ reason to come see us but just wanted to catch up and see how we were wintering. We got to talking about a woman we all know and the tough times she’d been going through. Even though this gal has been struggling lately, she is the type that never gives up and she knows how to get things done. As we sat and visited at one point the rancher looked at me and said:
“She was twistin’ tail!”
“Say what?”
Now, unless you’ve worked cattle you may not understand this statement or that it is a complement. It sounds more like something you could get arrested for at Sturgis during the motorcycle rally, but it’s not.
Twistin’ tail is what you do when your moving cattle through alleyways or chutes. It is a delicate (Not!) maneuver that can get you kicked big time. The first thing you need to know is you can’t do it half way – jump in with determination and no fear or don’t even attempt it. You come up behind a calf (always practise this with calves before attempting it with full-grown cows), press your body hard against the backend, grab hold of the tail and twist it up into a furry, manure caked corkscrew and then push for all your worth.
Now when you first do this you will learn several things very quickly:
1. You will get kicked, so stay close to the calf. The closer you are – the less it hurts. When your right up there ‘in their business’, so to speak, they just can’t get the right momentum to give you a good swift kick in the knee cap. If your backed off from them, even just a little, they can reach right up with their back hooves, kick you in the jaw and drop you to the ground.
2. Cattle, in general, have no pity. If they see you go down they will turn on a dime and run over the top of you to get as far away from the chute as possible. They will even laugh at you as you wallow around in a foot of mud – they are mean that way.
3. And finally – sooner or later what goes into a calf must come out. Never wear good clothes or new gloves for this and above all do not tuck your pants into your boots – take my word for this. By the time you perfect this maneuver you will have manure down the front of you, in your face, in your hair and down your pants.
One word of warning – if the back-end of the calf is already covered with a slimy, yellowish substance known as scours (or diarrhea) do not attempt to twist that tail. Use a whip, sorting stick or hot-shot to keep at least 5 feet of distance between you and the backend of that calf – take my word for this too.
“I’m out of here – I like my tail just the way it is – thank you very much!”
I challenge you to use this quote today. Just see how many times you can work it into a conversation with your hair dresser, lawyer, priest, dentist or just the nice old lady who lives next door. I guarantee they will either be impressed with your way with words or just walk away with a troubled look on their face.
Either way you’ll get a good chuckle out of it.
“Humans are so weird!”
RanchDaze 