Posts Tagged ‘Fat Alice’

Have you missed me?  I admit it – I have really missed my little blog for the last few weeks.  But tomorrow morning we will leave for the big city of Denver where fly off to the tropics early Tuesday morning.  I can’t wait.

I think I am finally ready to go.  The taxes are done, the bills are paid, the fridge is filled so Hubby won’t starve, my time in the tanning booth has started to show, and as of this morning the first batch of calves is branded, tagged, castrated and vaccinated.

Morgan, Dalton and Dani were all here to help.  It was a great day!  And I was sooooo happy to see everybody before I left – vacations are fun but family is everything!

For 2 months now I have been thinking and stockpiling everything I thought I would need to pack for the trip but then one day (mostly due to lack of sleep) I started thinking about all the things I wouldn’t need to take to the island and since that list was much more interesting I decided to share it here.

What I will not pack for the Island:

1.  I will not take the pickup.  There really shouldn’t be any need for a 4-wheel drive, 3/4 ton pickup with a set of tire chains under the back seat.  I really hope we will not need the ice scraper/snow sweeper, extra insulated gloves, socks, stocking caps, coveralls or scarves in the front seat or the tow ropes, jumper cables, diesel fuel additive, winter survival kit, extra food, water bottles, blankets, snow boots, scoop shovel or heat packs that ride around in the back seat all winter long.

2.  I will not take a parka, winter coat, fur coat (even if it is the ‘nice beaver’ as my sister says) or my Carhart coveralls.  I will sprint to the airport terminal in a raging blizzard if I have to, rather than carry a coat with me to the island.

3.  We shouldn’t need the heat gun to thaw out any water pipes or any heat tape to wrap around them to keep the water running.  I bet they rarely have that problem in Puerto Rico.
4.  I won’t pack the Nipco heater, heat lamps or electric dog dish – the calves, chicks and our dog and cats will probably need these here while I am gone.
5.  I don’t care how much she begs – Fat Alice will have to stay home!
She’s the big yellow one and is one of my favorite anniversary gifts (Dan is so damn romantic sometimes!!!).  Fat Alice will just have to stay home to feed the cattle and scoop the snow.  Sorry Alice.
6.  We shouldn’t need any hay bales either because I’m betting no one on the island of Puerto Rico has ever had to stack them around the foundation of their house to keep things from freezing.  For that matter, I bet no one has ever shrink-wrapped their windows with double-sided sticky tape, sheets of plastic and a hair dryer to stop the wind from blowing through and freezing the gold-fish in the bowl on the kitchen counter.  Don’t laugh – I know a guy in Custer who came home one evening to find that the furnace had died while he was at work.  He said it looked like the guppies in the aquarium were swimming in jello.
7.  I’m pretty sure I can leave our electric socks with their battery packs at home – the really nice ones that my sister gave all the girls working at the flower shop for Valentines’ Day one year?  We shouldn’t need these on the beach.  In fact I don’t believe the salt water would be good for them.
8.  I don’t think we’ll have to take any de-icer salt or kitty litter either.  If you don’t carry kitty litter in your car every winter and know how to use it you obviously haven’t lived in South Dakota long enough.
9.  We shouldn’t have to worry about wind chills, white-outs, snowflakes as big as horse turds or snow drifts for a few days.  And I would bet real money that there isn’t a single snow plow/sander truck on the entire island to watch out for.  I passed 5 snow plows, 3 road graders with v-plows, 2 Bobcat loaders and 27 pickups with blades just on the way home from work one night a couple of weeks ago.
10.  We shouldn’t need to take any electric blankets, down comforters, wool blankets, heated mattress pads or quilts – in fact, I wonder if there are even any quilters or quilt shops on the island.
11.  All those sexy (?) flannel nighties that reach from your chin to your toes with long sleeves and enough fabric to build a small circus tent can stay at home too along with the sheep-skin lined bedroom slippers, sweat pants and sweat shirts I often sleep in. 
12.  We shouldn’t need to take any snow packs, ice cleats, moon boots, rubbers, or 4 buckle overshoes unless of course you would like to wear them while snorkeling or wading in the tidal pools – the rubbers and overshoes might actually work pretty well for this but I’m still not going to pack them.
13.  And last but not least I absolutely, positively refuse to pack any wool socks, wool underwear, wool lined pants, wool vests, wool hats, wool gloves or even a wool sweater – I don’t care if it does have a sailboat knitted into the front of it!  The wool stays home!
 I’ll see you when I get home (if not before). 

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